ramblings of a wannabe rockstar

Since August 24, I have been standing in as the Worship Leader at Genesis Metro Church. Not only has this been the fulfillment of a dream of mine, but I’ve come to understand through this participation what my life’s calling is as it pertains to my personal ministry.

The congregational worship that our church has experienced in the last two months has been nothing short of completely awesome in spite of me. My vocal abilities are not as strong as they ideally should be for someone serving in this sort of position, but I receive remarks week after week after week about how my worship leadership has been a blessing to the individuals who are encouraging me. I’m not about to take a single ounce of credit for this, but I am certainly blessed by it.

In recent months our team has introduced some new music to our congregation…mostly stuff by the various incarnations of Hillsong. With one exception, each introduction has been met with an enthusiastic response. But as we have sung these songs, both new and old, I have noticed that the congregation has latched onto a theme in the lyrics: that is, the giving of life.

I give my life to follow; everything I believe in; now I surrender

I give my life to honor this; the love of Christ, the Savior King!

Your will above all else my purpose remains; The art of losing myself in bringing You praise

All to Him I owe

All my life, a sacrifice; I refuse to be denied

As I read those lyrics in light of where I am personally, and where our church is corporately, I am awestruck and so encouraged to see our people respond in their worship experiences with these words. In this American lifestyle dominated by fakeness and watered down Christianity — a “me” mentality — to see people actually put themselves behind the words that they sing, about giving up their lives gives me so much joy!

To see that people actully get it when they read things in the Gospels about the denial of self and daily picking up the cross…I see God at work, and it causes me to move closer to Him. It intensifies my own worship of him and, I am wholeheartedly willing to give up my life, my sense of “me” to get on board with that.

The Weekend That Was: Wow. How to quantify the greatness of the last few days is a bit of a daunting task. I shared in last week’s check-in that I was heading up to Tanglewood to lead worship for our church’s women’s retreat. I went up on Friday after not feeling so well on Thursday night and walked into a room with about 60 ladies who were prepared to give all of themselves (as individuals and as a collective group) to worship. In total, I led for three sessions with two dear friends — sisters — Janna and Carrie. I did a lot of thinking this weekend about what it is that draws me to this passion, this calling. I am inspired by seeing people encounter their Creator. I am inspired by whole-hearted expressions of worship. I see God in the lives of His worshipers. I experience Him through that and the corporate gathering of worshipers, giving glory to God, praise to Jesus, and edifying each other…it gives me so much joy to share in that with people. When all is said and done, I’m just a guy with a guitar helping to facilitate the musical expression of worship. It takes all of us to get there.

Saturday, in between worship sets…while the women were doing their retreat stuff, I spent several hours alone. Here’s my recap as I posted on Facebook yesterday a little after 6PM: “Patrick spent the day alone reading, walking, praying, more reading and napping. Enjoying a Cajun dinner now and worshiping with the ladies later. What an awesome day!”

Yesterday morning’s worship service was unreal. Merely just a continuation of the greatness of the weekend. The women returned from the retreat ready to worship with the church and the church body came ready to experience that with them! The band was on fire, Carrie and Bonnie recapped their sessions from the retreat. Carrie was in rare inspired form this morning, both with her vocal offerings and with her spoken word. I am so blessed to be surrounded and supported by such goodness!

The Sunday Morning Worship Setlist Was:
Chasing – Desperation Band
Desert Song – Hillsong
Mighty To Save – Hillsong United
I Am Free – Jared Anderson
Chasing (reprise)
From The Inside Out – Hillsong United
Ready Now – Desperation Band

Coming Up This Week: Frankly, I have no idea. I’m already anticipating another amazing Sunday service next week. But for the week, I’m just ready to see what happens.

Weight Watchers Update: Current official weightloss stands at 70 lbs. exactly. Only 8 more to go.

Music That Seemed To Get My Attention This Past Week: Just listen to the song below.

From The Inside Out as performed by Hillsong United:

Most Excited About: Life in general. The Good Lord is doing some amazing things in and around me. I really, really love where life has me right now. I can’t wait to see what develops this week.

The Weekend That Was: The key word of Saturday was “relaxation.” If it wasn’t for worship team rehearsal on Saturday afternoon, I’m pretty sure I’d have gotten away without doing a single thing. Raquel and I slept in until about noon and I managed to keep my spot on the couch relatively warm until it was time to leave for rehearsal. We haven’t spent a Saturday like that in months. It was fantastic. I headed over to Jeremy and Sheila’s yesterday to watch the Cowboys game with them and stayed as a special guest for the Lifegroup they host. As with anytime spent with those folks, it was a refreshing and rewarding time. Glad I took the opportunity to do that. Wrapped up the weekend with Tim last night fast forwarding through DVR’ed football games from the day and blogging. All in all, a fine way to spend a weekend.

The Sunday Morning Worship Setlist Was:
Blessed Be Your Name – Genesis Metro Band version
Wholly Yours – David Crowder Band
Desert Song – Hillsong
Endlessly – Desperation Band
Carrie sang lead on Desert Song and guest worship leader, Chuck Harris, sang lead on the other three.

Coming Up This Week: This is shaping up to be a full week, but I think a manageable one. I have been invited to lead worship at the annual Genesis Metro Women’s Retreat. GM’s retreats (men’s, women’s and students’) have become legendary in regards to impact level and I am so glad I get to play a small part in that for them. Of course, being that I’m not a woman, I won’t get to be part of their retreat. But I do get to spend the off time at the at the resort where they’ll be. I’m looking forward to a bit of a personal retreat of my own. It’s a nice place at Lake Texoma so I’ll use the opportunity to enjoy the outdoors and take some quiet time to catch up on some much needed reading.

Weight Watchers Update: Current total loss is 68.6 lbs which now puts me under 200 lbs. I have a little more than 10 lbs left to lose until my final goal. I will likely visit my doctor sometime this week or early next week to make sure he’s OK with where I’m headed with my goal.

Music That Seemed To Get My Attention This Past Week: I can’t say that I was particularly moved by anything since my last update, but I should make mention that I recently hooked myself up with the new album by Calexico, Carried To Dust. I find myself thoroughly enjoying this album. I can’t say that I’m fully taken by it, but I do really enjoy it.

Most Excited About: The personal downtime I will have during the retreat this weekend. I really plan to use this opportunity for some good stuff. I will avoid TV, phone, and internet, and will use the time for personal devotion, study, reflection, and prayer. The more I think about it, the more excited I get.

A.D.D. WARNING: This is a long post.

I am living the dream. More specifically, I am living my dream. I have had the opportunity to step up to an interim leadership position for the worship team at Genesis Metro Church for the last two months or so. This has been the fulfillment of a longtime dream of mine, and as I came to realize not to long ago, what I truly believe — if even for a short time — to be the fulfillment of my calling in life.

Genesis Metro is currently in the midst of a capital campaign called Living the Dream. There are a lot of folks living their dreams right now. I am one of them.

Allow me to tell my story.

I was sixteen years old when I decided to learn how to play the guitar. It was the summer of 1991. My first guitar was a piece-of-junk acoustic guitar that was in my friend Sean’s closet collecting dust. I paid $40 for it. That amount of free money to spend was hard for me to come by that summer. I had just started driving and my first car ended up getting totaled. I was working to pay off the purchase of the replacement. I think. The details are hazy now, this many years later. But, because of the difficulty in dropping that money for the guitar, I was determined to learn how to play it.

In August of that year, I spent a week on the California River Delta near Lodi with my small church youth group for our annual houseboating trip. That was an amazing trip for me. So many great things happened on that trip. But the one thing that sticks in my memory was watching my youth leader, Mark and my best friend, JD, lead us in nightly praise and worship on the roof of the houseboat. I had been drawn to that experience before, but specifically that week on that trip, there was something that spoke to me that made me want to be part of what those guys were doing. I was drawn to the musical expression of worship. I didn’t understand why it was significant, but understood that every time these guys were playing praise songs, it was my favorite part of every time we got together.

So I bought that guitar. With the intended purpose of learning how to play it so I could join them in leading the praise songs. I had already played the piano for several years and had some drum lessons as well. I had participated in a few different choral groups through out my adolescent years as well, so I had a fairly decent understanding of musical concepts.

On Labor Day a few good friends (mostly the same group of folks from the houseboat a few weeks earlier), gathered at JD’s house on Riverside Drive for his birthday. I took my new guitar over to JD’s house. Dustin (who was also learning) had his. We sat out on the back porch well into the evening and JD taught us some chords. By the end of the night we were hacking out some Black Crowes and Poison tunes. Those who didn’t play watched and sang along.

I spent every moment of my free time learning how to play that thing. I took home JD’s book of guitar chords and Mark’s collection of praise songs and learned how to play them. No more than three weeks later, I was standing up front with JD and Mark helping to lead in the praise singing. Every kid that learns how to play the guitar does it for one reason: to get chicks. Not me though. I wanted to sing praise songs.

~~~~~

Back in January of 2005, Raquel and I stepped into Genesis Metro Church. After looking for a church we could call home for over three years, we visited this place for a few weeks and decided to end our search. We felt comfortable and came to realize that there was an opportunity for us to plug into ministry.

Three months or so after we began attending GM, I was invited to sit in with the worship team. From that morning on, I have been a part of the Genesis Metro Band, collaborating with Timmy on lead and rhythm electric guitar and assisting Paul with coordination of music and some vocals where applicable.

From the day I decided to learn how to play guitar all those years ago, I knew that I needed to be involved in the process of engaging people in the worship process. After all, that was why I learned how to play. It took me an inordinately long time to learn exactly what worship is and my role in it as a musician — as a singer and a guitarist. But I took the time to be involved, and immersed myself in to the friendship and mentorship of Dan Radmacher, from whom I learned some invaluable things about what worship is, and what it is to be a worshiping musician.

~~~~~

About a year ago, I was midway through a six-month discipleship study with several men in our church called MasterLife. One October Sunday night we were in Bill’s living room discussing the topic of “calling” and what that means in the Christian life and what that means to us in Christian ministry. This was already a topic I had given some thought to as earlier in last year I had heard others talking about their calling. Some being “called” to full time youth ministry. One being “called” to full time missions.

But if you spend enough time hanging out around churches, you hear folks using terminology sometimes — “Christianese” if you will — without really knowing what they’re talking about. I’ve heard folks talk before about “feeling called” to one thing or another. The thing is, these folks, talking about being called…they were different. You knew that when they said they were called, that they really were.

So, there we were back on that October Sunday last year talking about calling. And I confessed that I don’t know what my calling is. Of course, I knew what my passion was. My passion was to involve myself in engaging people in worship. I had been serving readily at the right hand of Paul in GM and Dan before him. I was worship leader for GM’s student ministries and for my old college group many years before. But was this my calling?

Every Christian has a general calling upon his or her life. Svigel put it quite eloquently here:

First and foremost, a Christian should be aware of his or her general call to holy living and Christian testimony, the call all believers have by virtue of being called to salvation through Jesus Christ (1 Cor 7:15; Gal 5:13; 2 Thess 2:14). This includes a call to walk in newness of life, to love the brethren, and to proclaim Christ near and far. It implies a committed relationship to the Church universal and local, to build up the body of Christ through humble service, to give and live sacrificially. These things constitute the clear calling to which all Christians are to respond daily.

I was aware of that. But how could I reconcile my clear passion to my specific calling is in ministry? I would get frustrated at times. I was surrounded by people — some of whom were new Christians — who were discovering their calling. I had been a believer for many, many years and had no idea what mine was. I knew what I wanted it to be…but was that really what it was?

My heart of hearts desired to be involved in the leadership of my church, which I love dearly, in the worship aspect. There was no way this was possible though. There was already established leadership there. And I wasn’t about to undermine, supersede, step on toes, or anything else to get there. Rather, I serve gladly where I have been placed and am content where God has me serving. I love dearly that I get to serve at all, let alone in this capacity.

As we were preparing in the months leading up to the Honduras mission trip to Honduras back in August, Jeremy asked if I would be willing to lead our group in worship nightly during the trip. I spent some more time over the summer pondering the whole “calling” thing and wondering how I would know what my calling is. One night shortly before our trip commenced, Raquel and I were talking about this and I continued to be increasingly frustrated that I felt like God had been silent with me on my specific ministry calling is. In true Raquel truth-speaking fashion, she put me in my place clearly reminding me that I need to adjust my focus away from me and see that it had already been confirmed for me. Confirmed in my recent participation with the students. Confirmed in my being tasked with the responsibility of leading our mission team. I just hadn’t been paying attention.

So we get to Honduras. If it wasn’t made clear in my journal entries I should iterate here that for me, that was hands down the most fully satisfying worship experience I’ve ever been a part of. Each night. And I was truly humbled by the fact that I was the guy chosen for that. I was glad to partner with Jeremy…I love that guy so much…but I had no idea what was in store.

~~~~~

Almost immediately after our return from Honduras, I was notified that my worship leader for the last three and a half years and my church’s worship pastor for over four years had accepted a job at another church out of state. Being his right hand for the last few years, I was asked to step up and fill in for the foreseeable future. My first Sunday up was the day our mission teams celebrated the two weeks of Honduras missions. What an amazing Sunday! It was the most attended non-special service in church history, with a congregation that was so ready to experience a celebration and worship together.

As I look back on the last few months, seeing how our church has experienced worship during this time of transition, how I have grown as a musician, singer, and leader it is no mistake that I have finally discovered my calling. I love my pastor for allowing me to live this dream. I love my church’s leadership for supporting me and praying for me. I love our missions director for giving me the opportunity to lead his team while we were there.

Although I wasn’t aware of it at the time, as I look back I can see that my worship leading experience in Honduras was a confirmation of the calling…and was only preparing me for what was to come.

I’m not a strong vocalist. I’m pretty good, but I’m not great. I’m a better guitarist than I am a singer. But I will tell you this much: I never go to the worship-leading experience in any way less-than-fully-prepared to engage all of myself in the worship experience. It is that which is my best asset and I think our church has experienced that. In spite of my weaknesses, our God has been worshiped, and our community has experienced that with me.

I don’t know what the future holds as for my continued involvement in worship leadership. But no matter what happens, I will know and be fully content that for this short period of time, I have served my calling and done it well. I have my hopes and desires, but how that plays out remains to be seen. The best part of all of this is that I get to do this with a church that I absolutely love. I can’t imagine that living my dream would be anything close to what it is if not for this church.

I am living the dream. I have lived my dream. And I thank my God for allowing me the opportunity to experience this.

I’m going to steal an idea from Marko and make this what I hope will become a weekly series. I’ll make it my own, though.

The Weekend That Was: It was a pretty normal weekend, in that it was a busy one but found time to relax a little bit too. Had dinner on Friday night with the church leadership team to discuss Capital Campaign business. Afterwards, we went out with the Bournes, Floyds, and a Dixon for some dessert. It was an enjoyable time. We were hoping to catch a movie or something but I was glad that plan got changed. Sitting out on the patio at dessert spot was very relaxing. Saturday was spent mostly in the yard mowing, seeding, and fertilizing with a couple hours spent rehearsing with the band for Sunday. And of course, with Sunday morning comes the worship services which, for me, are the best part of the week. Went out for lunch to a nice Mexican spot and watched football all afternoon and night.

The Sunday Morning Worship Setlist Was:
You Are Worthy Of My Praise – Jeremy Camp
Here Is Our King – David Crowder Band
Rescue – Jared Anderson
Mighty To Save – Hillsong United

Coming Up This Week: Hopefully nothing. I mean, there will be some things that come up, I’m sure, but I hope to keep it low key. I have a few things I want to blog too. Haven’t had a whole lot of time to do that.

Weight Watchers Update: Current official total weight loss is 66 lbs. Just under 13 lbs. to go until my target.

Music That Seemed To Get My Attention This Past Week: Kings of Leon – Only By The Night. I’ve heard of these guys before but haven’t ever paid attention to them. I read a very favorable review of their new record recently so I thought I’d pick it up to check it out. It is thoroughly enjoyable.

Most Excited About: Not doing a whole lot this week.

Introduction
First Entry
Video Edition
Second Entry
Third Entry
Fourth Entry

The following excerpt was written in my journal by my dear friend, Celesten Leonard shortly after our return from Honduras. On the Sunday night of our trip, August 10, during our first group worship time at Faith Home, Celesten received news from back home of the passing of her uncle.

As the week progressed, Celesten mentioned to me that after receiving that news she returned to our meeting room and heard us singing Blessed Be Your Name, and it became a memorial service of sorts to Celesten for her uncle. That I could be used in this way was pretty profound for me. I wasn’t even aware that all of this was even happening at the time.

Celesten offered to write in my journal about what that night meant for her. She thought I might like to be able to remember those details. She was right. Here’s her take (including her use of the Celesten-applied nickname of mine, Patty). Good stuff.

Monday, 8/18
*Guest Entry – Celesten Leonard*

I am honored to be given the privilege to add to this journal — this amazing daily inventory of how our God can! It is bittersweet to reflect on the details I am going to share — bitter because of the loss experienced, sweet because of what was gained! The story is shared here because God used Patrick to honor my Uncle John through a “Honduran memorial service.” The story goes like this:

“Blessed Be Your Name”

Patrick was leading our group into worship with these words as I was in a nearby room hearing the words of Bonnie Floyd’s prayer for my family as we had all just learned of my Uncle John’s death. As I try to write these words, I can barely see this page through the tears as the loss is still so fresh. I will try to make the timing and impact clear enough so as to give God glory for how he provides for us — even in the midst of suffering.

It is not coincidence — rather, it is divine providence that God chose to use this man, Patrick. His heart and passion for worship has healed many years of baggage related to negative experiences I have had with “worship.” Unbeknownst to Patty, layers of pain have been removed as a result of his genuine pursuit of God in his life! He lives worship! It is so evident the amount of effort he places into pursuing humility. His “yes” to the variety of ways God calls him is awe inspring to me!

Back to Sunday night (8/10/08). As soon as Bonnie was finished praying, I was reassured that all of the details in regards to my family, the funeral, children being cared for, etc., were being handled. I was freed to grieve however I needed to. I was drawn to the spirit I felt from Patrick in the other room. I knew immediately that I wanted to feel God as close as I could — He drew me in close to him. I felt as if God’s hand was on my shoulder as I walked in the room where my church family was corporately inviting God to be glorified.

My first step into the room, I heard Patty’s voice sing with a pure passion, “You give and take away; My heart will choose to say; Lord, blessed be Your name!” Instantly I felt the Holy Spirit’s comfort and compassion wash over me.

After an amazing worship set, God used the willing hearts of my family of Genesis Metro to extend his love to me. That night I felt God showing me that he did not intend on me ever being at my uncle’s funeral with my biological family, but instead, being the Author of all things, He had provided a way for me to learn of my uncle’s death in a foreign land, among my spiritual family. My uncle’s death (including the timing) was not a surprise to God. He had me right where He wanted and needed me to be so that He could show me His plan. His way is better!

Patty and others blessed me immensely by leting me share so many wonderful memories and stories about my Uncle John. He was a joyful man with a presence of contentment. Much like Patrick, a man of God who seeks to use his talents and gifts to glorify his Creator. So how fitting for my uncle’s memorial service to be ushered in with the song chosen by Patty, “Blessed Be Your Name.”

God, thank you for Patty. Bless him and his life — he uses Your blessings to honor You! You are great and can do great things through this man! I anticipate the future of my brother and I am blessed by the friendship you have scured for us!

How great is our God!

Introduction
First Entry
Video Edition
Second Entry
Third Entry

Saturday, 8/16 shortly after 8AM

We’re on the plane headed home. I’m ready for this. I miss Raquel and I am eager for some quality rest.

I missed the opportunity again to write on Thursday and Friday mainly because I wanted to try and write at the end of each day. But when the days are so full, it’s difficult to save it until the end and try to stay awake.

Thursday was the last work day. I went up to Promise Home with the construction crew, led by Donnie Floyd. What an incredible man he is! I am awestruck by how fully he dedicates himself effectively to ministry. And his wife, Bonnie…there’s not enough that can be said about how incredible that lady is. I expressed last night during our last sharing time that if Raquel and I could be half as effective in our marriage/ministry partnership as the Floyds, we’ll be doing pretty well.

Donnie assigned me to go with Rick and Brandon to complete the gate at the front entrance to the Promise Home land. This involved putting up several lengths of barbed wire, putting hinges on the gate-post (which was a challenge due to a lack of proper tools), and ultimately hanging the gate.

The three of us hit this little restaurant for lunch across the street from where we were working for some fantastic fried chicken and a good visit. I guess some called this place The Three Sisters. Not sure why, but that’s the name that stuck.

After lunch, we hiked back up the hill to recharge with Gatorade and grab some tools. The rain (which, up to this point, was a daily occurrence) was nearing so we started to step it up. We still had about 50 yards of barbed wire to run 6 times. Tony Sobers came down to help us out while Rick and Doinnie started working on the gate hinges. Before we knew it the rain arrived…and with a vengeance! It rained harder this time than it had all week, I think. And for much longer too.

We all pulled up under a nearby shelter, but it occurred to me that we were running short on time. We were already wet from sweating in near-100% humidity levels. So, I pointed that out, grabbed Brandon and Tony, and went to finish the barbed wire. It was raining hard with nearby lightning and thunder, but it was so exhilarating to be working like this.

The bus came early to pick us up but we couldn’t not finish. We made them wait and sure enough, we finished up and got the gate on. The sense of accomplishment was almost overwhelming. If we had waited for the rain to subside, we would not have completed as it was still raining when we left the premises. We hopped out of the bus to take some pics and rolled out looking back on a job well done. We stopped at a gift shop on our way back to Faith Home, then went on home.

Thursday night after dinner I found myself feeling pretty spiritually dry. This was pretty disconcerting to me as Wednesday night was completely the opposite. The pendulum couldn’t have swung any further in the opposite direction. I was dry, uninspired, and lacking motivation altogether. Whereas, Wednesday night, I was nearly in tears when we started from just how sensitive I was to the Spirit’s presence.

I mentioned this dryness to Jeremy who asked me what he could do to help with that. I asked him to locate Bonnie and for the two of them to pray over me. We went into my dorm room with Melissa Yates, a true gem from the small First Baptist group who I had asked to sing with me.

Bonnie and Jeremy called won the Fire of God and lifted me to a higher place than I had been all week! I knew the second I needed prayer that Jeremy and Bonnie were my go-tos. And a cool side story relating to Melissa’s involvement in worship that night was a bit of a divine ordinance. She had just finished having Bonnie pray with her for clarity of direction (as I understand the story). She had been inpsired by our worship during the week. Then I went to and asked her to sing with us having no idea what had just gone on with she and Bonnie. It was so neat to play a part in that.

The worship and sharing time that night was possibly the pinnacle experience of the week, worship-wise, for me. A day and a half later, it’s difficult to some of the highlights but I just remember being so blessed by that time. We stayed up late on Thursday night, into the early hours of Friday morning. The night finished out with some general silliness including some guys doing their MMA holds on each other, some irreverent humor, but a great time just being.

Yesterday was our “vacation” day. We drove a couple hours to Téla and spent the day at a high-end beach resort. It was the kind of place you’d see in a tropical postcard…or Microsoft PC desktop wallpaper.

It was a relaxing day. A few of us walked down the beach to find something fun to do and ended up paying a guy to take us on his boat to a nearby coral reef. We went snorkeling for an hour and a half or so. I picked up a sea urchin shell off the ocean floor. Saw some really cool fish and an eel defending its territory. I hit the gift shops for a T-shirt then joined the Floyds, Paul Golata and Jordan in the beach cabana for some R&R until it was time to go.

I rode back with Tim, Jeremy, and the Floyds…probably the best group of folks I know…getting stuck in about the coolest traffic jam ever. There were 5 lanes worth of traffic on a 2-lane road. We ended up driving on the opposite direction’s shoulder to bypass a lot of it. But, it was just such an immense encouragement to my soul just to be with these folks. We stopped at Pizza Hut for dinner on the way home…just the five of us.

Our last session kicked off later than normal last night and we had an open-mic share time. As with just about every time we do something like that, it was a powerful time. We went past midnight and capped if off with a final slide show from Marc. Marc had put together a slide show each night featuring the best of everyone’s pictures from the respective days. He’s got such an amazing talent and the way he’s able to use that talent to minister to folks the way he does…such an unconventional act of worship…is just so cool to me.

There was a lot of hugging last night and a lot of tears. A lot of love.

It is nothing short of pure joy for me to experience this kind of stuff with such fine people. I love my place in life. I love sharing it with my wife and that we get to work in this kind of stuff together!

~~~~~

This concludes what I wrote in my journal while traveling. There actually is one more entry I need to post, but was written by someone else, to help me retain the impacting memory of the week.

Also, I have been hanging on to quite a few thoughts since our return…particularly in light of some developments that have occurred…that I will share over the next few days. Please stay tuned for that.